PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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