come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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