just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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