I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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