and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
