if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
