3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
