$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize