Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
