The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
