At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
