So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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