i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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