dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drake has all the answers
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
