I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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