happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
