I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
