last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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