Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
