Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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