im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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