Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
