Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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