Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
