I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
