im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
