I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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