I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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