I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
