wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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