getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
