Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
