dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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