Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
