She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
