he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
NoShamevember. You game?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
