There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
