dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
