there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
