After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize