i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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