Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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