he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize