I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
