You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize