i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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