I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize