So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
