Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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