i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
