I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
