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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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