so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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