Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
