you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize