My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
