its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize