Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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