You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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