his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
