Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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