It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
