so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
