Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is

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(910): View more from North Carolina

my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home

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(914): View more from New York

at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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(646): View more from New York

I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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(989): View more from Michigan

What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night

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(770): View more from Georgia

He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.

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(206): View more from Washington

How did the surgery go?

(425): View more from Washington

My face feels like a marshmallow.

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