that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
